


Rules For Dating My Son

by yaoichan12



Series: Spirk One-Shots [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaoichan12/pseuds/yaoichan12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda has some rules for Jim for dating her son. Jim is nervous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rules For Dating My Son

**Author's Note:**

> Saw a post on facebook about these rules and I thought how funny it would be for Amanda to tell Jim about them. ^-^
> 
> http://thisdogearedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Rules-for-Dating-My-Son.jpg

“You know,” Jim started to say as he sat in the mess hall with Bones.  “I’ve never really met a boyfriend’s mother before.”

“Why does that not surprise me,” Bones replied before stealing one of Jim’s fries.  “But you and Spock have been together…four months now.”

Jim nodded, “Yep and I’ve met Amanda before but not as Spock’s boyfriend.  Just as plain Captain Kirk.”

“You are anything but plain, Jim.”

Jim chuckled.

“Are you nervous or something?” Bones asked.

Jim shook his head, “Why would I be nervous? I told you, I’ve met her before.  We get along great.”

Bones eyed his friend and then waved Uhura over when he saw her enter.

“Captain, Doctor,” she greeted them.

“Uhura, you met Spock’s mom as his girlfriend before, correct?” Bones asked her.

She nodded and then grinned, looking to Jim, “Oh, you haven’t met her in the way yet, have you, Captain?”

Jim looked up to her and shrugged, “No, but it will be fine.  Right?”

Uhura laughed, “Sure, Captain.  It’ll be fine.  You’ll be fine.”

Jim’s eyes went wide as he watched her walk away, still laughing. 

 _Okay, now I’m nervous,_ he thought.  _But…Amanda likes me._

“Jim,” Bones snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“What?”

“It’s going to be different now that you and the hobgoblin are dating.  When my ex and I starting seeing each other, I got grilled by her parents.  What were my intentions?  I better treat her right or else they’d make me disappear.  Amanda will probably want to do the same.  Spock is a mama’s boy.”

“I know he is, but Amanda already likes me.”

“Yes, but you said she like’s Captain Kirk.  She may not like her son’s boyfriend Jim.  I thought my former mother-in-law liked me, but she didn’t.  Undermined me whenever she had the chance.  Kept telling Jocelyn she could’ve married better and so on.”

“It’ll be fine,” Jim told his friend before standing up and picking up his tray.  “I’m a great guy and she’ll see that.” Jim then walked away and as he passed Uhura he heard her giggle.

* * *

 

Jim wandered into the science labs and found Spock standing over a microscope and taking notes on a PADD. 

“How long after you and Uhura starting seeing each other did she meet your mother?” Jim asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the table.

Spock looked at Jim and arched a brow, “You do not like talking about my past relationship with the Lieutenant.  Why are you asking?”

“Just…because.”

“My mother came to San Francisco and met Uhura one week after I told her that I was starting a romantic relationship with her.”

“Oh?” _Shit, she probably wanted to make sure Uhura was right for Spock.  It’s been four months…wonder what she’ll have to say to me._

Spock nodded and then stepped closer to his boyfriend, “Why did you want to know?”

Jim shook his head and then smiled, “No reason, just asking.  So, you missed dinner.  Want me to get you something?”

“No, thank you, Captain.  I will be finishing here in eleven point zero five minutes and then I will procure myself dinner.  Would you care for a game of chess later?”

Jim nodded and leaned in for a quick kiss before leaving Spock to finish his science work.

* * *

 

Uhura looked up as Jim sat down across from her in the rec room.  She smiled and sat her PADD down.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Tell me about when you met Amanda,” Jim said.

“I think it would be more fun for you to find out on your own when you see her tomorrow.”

“Tell me.  Captain’s orders.”

She shook her head and then said, “You will be fine, Captain. You know Spock’s a mama’s boy.  Amanda needs to approve of you dating her son.”

“Did she…threaten you?”

Uhura chuckled, “All I will say is that, when I first met her and for the rest of her visit, I was nervous as shit around her. I kept looking over my shoulder.”

Jim’s eyes went wide at hearing that.  Uhura reached a hand out and patted his shoulder before standing up from the table.

“Good luck tomorrow, Jim.  And try not to think about how she has diplomatic immunity in the federation.”

Jim sat there still as Uhura left him. 

_I am in trouble.  Shit, she and Spock had only been together for a week…Spock and I have been together four months.  What if she’s mad that I didn’t talk to her before?  Does she even know we’re together?  If she does, does she think I’m defiling her son?  Oh god…we have sex almost every night._

* * *

 

Spock watched his Captain as he moved a piece on the chess board.  Jim’s hands were shaking and he looked lost in thought about something other than the chess game.

“Jim,” Spock said suddenly, causing Jim to jump. Spock quirked an eyebrow at that.

“Jim, are you well?  You are shaking and appear to be nervous.”

“Nope,” Jim said.  “I’m good. Great.  Just…fine.”

Spock stared at him before standing up.  He took a step towards his boyfriend and tried reaching out to take his hand.  Jim stood up quickly, knocking his chair over. He stepped away from Spock and smiled.

“You know, maybe we shouldn’t do anything tonight.  We’re meeting your parents for lunch at the starbase tomorrow,” Jim then laughed. “Don’t want your dad smelling you all over me, do we?”

Spock continued to stare before nodding, “I believe that would be, as you humans say, embarrassing.  Are you sure you are alright?”

Jim nodded, “Yep.  So um…goodnight and I’ll see you in the morning on the bridge.”

Spock held his hand out to Jim for a Vulcan kiss and creased his eyebrows together when Jim hesitated before quickly meeting the kiss and then backed away again. Jim smiled at him and then told him goodnight.

“Goodnight, Jim,” Spock said before turning and leaving Jim’s quarters.

Jim plopped down on his bed once Spock had left and sighed, _Wonder if I can get away with not meeting his parents tomorrow.  I doubt it...Amanda would probably track me down._

* * *

 

Jim clapped Sulu on the shoulder as his helmsmen docked them at the starbase.  He then headed for the turbolift and hoped to get in alone, but Spock and Uhura came in as well.  He glanced to her and she smiled at him.

“Excited about meeting the parents, Captain?” she asked.

“Lieutenant, the captain has met my parents before,” Spock spoke up.

She nodded as Jim started to look nervous.  Once the lift stopped, he quickly bolted for his quarters.

* * *

 

Jim tried on several outfits before finally deciding on one and getting dressed.  He picked a light blue button down shirt that made his eyes pop and a pair a khakis that fit snuggly. He made sure his hair was perfect before meeting Spock outside his quarters.

“You look…” Spock started to say before trailing off.

 _Shit, I’m too sexy,_ Jim thought.  “I should change, shouldn’t I?  My pants…they’re too tight aren’t they?”

Spock shook his head, “I do not believe they are too tight, Jim.  You look lovely.”

“I should change…” Jim tried but Spock placed his hand on his lower back and led him towards the hangar. 

“My father does not like people being late for meetings.  You are dressed well and my parents will not care if your pants extenuate your posterior.”

Jim internally sighed and allowed his boyfriend to lead him to the restaurant.

* * *

 

“Spock! Jim!” Amanda called to them when Jim and Spock walked up to the table in the restaurant. “You two look quite handsome.”

Jim smiled, “Thank you, Lady Amanda.  You look very beautiful today. I mean you probably look beautiful every day, I didn’t…I mean…”

“Captain Kirk, it is pleasant to see you again,” Sarek interrupted Jim’s rambling.

Jim nodded and held his hand up in a Vulcan salute, “Ambassador Sarek.”

Amanda hugged her son and then Jim before telling them to sit.  Jim sat next to Spock at the table with Amanda sitting right across from Jim and Sarek across from Spock.

“I love that shirt, Jim.  Really makes your eyes stand out,” Amanda told him. 

“Thank you, Lady Amanda.”

She chuckled, “Jim, please just call me Amanda.”

“Yes, La…Amanda.”

She smiled at him as the waiter came up to their table.

* * *

 

“So,” Amanda started after they had order their food.  “What sort of adventures have you been on lately?”

Jim relaxed and smiled before starting to tell his boyfriend’s mother about the Enterprise’s lastest adventures.

* * *

 

 _This isn’t so bad.  It’s actually really nice,_ Jim thought _.  Just like the last time we met. I love Amanda and Sarek is fun to talk to as well.  Why the fuck was I worried?_

Jim laughed as Amanda finished telling him an embarrassing story about when Spock was a kid.  Spock shook his head at the story before reaching under the table and grabbing Jim’s hand.  Jim smiled at him before interlacing their fingers and then looking at Amanda.

“You are going to have to send me pictures of him when he was a baby,” Jim told her.

“Oh I will.”

“Jim, mother, there is no need…” Spock started but his father interrupted him.

“Spock, our humans are illogical.  It would be best to let them do as they please.”

Jim chuckled and leaned against his Vulcan, “Yeah Spock.  Listen to your dad about us illogical humans.”

Spock looked at Jim, his eyes soft, “Of course.”

Jim turned to Amanda and saw her smiling at them.

* * *

 

They left the restaurant an hour later and headed to the Enterprise.  Spock wished to show his father his latest experiment and Amanda requested to see Jim’s little book collection he had in his quarters.

“So, I don’t have that many books.  Mostly classics that I love to reread,” Jim said, pointing to his small bookcase.  He turned to Amanda and saw she was sitting on his table, her eyes narrowed.

“Have a seat, Captain,” she said tersely, nodding to the other chair. 

Jim gulped and nodded before taking a seat.  He sat up straight and placed his hands in his lap.

“What…what do you want to talk about?” Jim asked.

“Your intentions with my son.”

“I assure you…”

“No, no…it’s my time to talk, James.”

Jim nodded and looked at the table top.

“You think that you can start a relationship with my baby four months ago and not talk to me first about it?”

“Well Spock was the one that first…”

“I am talking, James.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“If you are to date my son, then I have rules.  Rule number one, he is not your ATM.  He comes from money, yes, but that does not mean he will be spending it all on you.”

Jim nodded.

“Rule number 2, dress appropriately.  I saw how tight your pants are and how my son was staring,” Amanda tsked and shook her head at Jim.  “I hope you own other clothes that don’t fit as snuggly.”

“I was going to change.  Spock said…” Jim went quite when Amanda narrowed her eyes.  Jim looked down again and said, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Rule 3, if I do not like you, then I can make you go away.”

Jim looked up to her and nodded.

“Rule 4, understand that I can make you go away.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Rule 5, Spock is a mama’s boy.  Unless there is a ring on your finger or a bond established, your opinion about that does not matter.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Rule 6, while you are the captain that does not mean you are in charge of him in the relationship and it is not up to you to change him.  Take him for who he is or else….I can make you go away.”

Jim gulped and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Rule 7, he is a gentlemen.  I raised him to be one.  You better act like a gentlemen yourself and deserve that.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Rule 8, my husband is an ambassador.  I have diplomatic immunity.”

“I am aware, ma’am.”

“Good, and the final rule: if you weasel your way past all the other rules and fake your way to a ring or a bond, then I will be something much worse that your boyfriend’s mom…I will be your mother-in-law.  And I believe you’ve heard stories of what mother-in-laws are capable of, haven’t you?”

Jim nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”  Jim rung his hands together and internally screamed. _She was so nice earlier.  She’ll make me go away._

“Also, another…sort of rule…are you two sexually active?” Amanda then asked.

Jim kept his eyes down and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

“I hope you are using protection.”

Jim nodded and then shook his head, “No, ma’am.  I mean…we started to but then stopped, but we’ll be abstinent from now on, I promise. No sex until there is a ring on my finger.”

Amanda then started laughing.  Jim looked up and stared at her, confused about why she was laughing.

“Ma’am?”

Amanda kept laughing until she was nearly crying.  She managed to calm herself and looked at Jim. 

“I’m sorry, Jim.  I’m kidding…about everything,” Amanda said.

“What?”

“I just wanted to tease you, sweetie.  I know you love Spock and you two are perfect for each other.  I just couldn’t help myself.”

Jim stared at her and then blinked, “What?  You…the rules…”

“I found them online and memorized it.  I don’t have any rules, Jim.  Besides, Spock’s a big boy and a touch telepath.  If you were trying to use him, he’d know.”

Jim nodded, “So…teasing…me?”

Amanda chuckled, “Yes, Jim.  I was teasing you.  Are you okay?”

Jim stood up and stared at her, “But…but Uhura said…”

“She was in on it.  I messaged her a few days ago and told her to pretend that I was scary intimidating when she and I first met.”

“I’m going to fire her…out of the air lock,” Jim said before sitting back down and laughing.  “I can’t believe…I was so fucking worried.  I thought you were going to threaten to kill me.  Does Spock know?”

Amanda giggled and shook her head, “No, of course not.  The last time we saw each other, which was…seven months ago…I knew Spock and you were heading in this direction.  The way you looked at each other.  I just wanted to tease you a bit.”

Jim smiled at her, “I like you, Amanda, and I love your son very much.  Trust me, even though you were teasing, I will follow the rules…except for the clothes one.”

“Understood,” Amanda snickered.

Jim then asked, “Hey…do you wanna tease Spock?”

Amanda grinned, “What do you have in mind?”

* * *

 

Spock left his father in the lab and found his mother and boyfriend standing in the corridor, yelling at each other.

“…he’s a grown man,” Jim yelled.  “get over it!”

“Excuse me?” Amanda yelled back.  “I am his mother…I decide who he…”

“No! You don’t!”

“What is going on?” Spock raised his voice and asked.  His mother and Jim turned and glared at him.

“I cannot stand being the in the same room as her, Spock,” Jim said.

“And I cannot stand the sight of you,” Amanda said.  “Using my son…”

“I’m not using him old woman!”

“Don’t talk to me that way, you good for nothing twink!”

“Stop it!” Spock spoke up.  “Why are you two fighting?”

“Choose!” Jim then yelled.  “Me or your mother.”

“What?”

“Yes, choose, Spock,” Amanda said.  “Either be with Jim and have no contact with me or leave him and come to New Vulcan with your father and me.”

“Mother…Jim…I do not…”

“CHOOSE!” the both yelled.

One of Spock’s eyes starting twitching before the Vulcan passed out.

Jim cringed a bit at seeing Spock fall hard to the ground, “Ouch. I think we may have…over done it.”

Amanda nodded, “I believe so.  Let’s just…leave him here.  That would be best.”

“Yeah…so um…wanna see the rec room?”

“That sounds nice.  Lead the way.”

* * *

 

“You mad at me?” Jim asked later that night.  He was lounging on Spock’s bed while the Vulcan stood at the foot of it and stared at him.  Spock didn’t say anything, just kept staring.  Jim sighed and sat up, “Look, we were just teasing.  Your mom teased me first.  Told me all these rules for dating you.”

Spock nodded, “I understand.  You and my mother found it…amusing…to cause me to lose consciousness because I was internally struggling with choosing between my own mother and my t’hy’la?”

“Yeah…I’m sorry.  You were quite cute laying on the floor.  Hey, what does t’hy’la mean?”

“I am not going to tell you.”

“Do you want to have sex?”

“No.  We are, as you told my mother, practicing abstinence until I put on a ring on your finger.  Now please return to your quarters.”

“But…sex.”

Spock shook his head.

“Fine,” Jim sighed out, getting off Spock’s bed.  “Love you.”

“I know.”

Jim snorted before giving Spock a quite kiss.  He made it to the bathroom door connecting their quarters and then turned to look at Spock.  He grinned, “Well you may be practicing abstinence in here…I’m going to go to my bed and masturbate thinking about you.  Night, Spock.”

The Vulcan growled before chasing Jim into the Captain’s quarters.


End file.
